fresh boy, wide world.

the dreaming
come with me
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fresh boy, wide world Thursday, November 28, 2002, 11:07 a.m.

I"m still miffed. Is that even a word?? When I write here, I tend to get in a pissy mood. Wonder why that is. All I know is that it had better stop of someone's gonna get it. But on a lighter note...

I'm here in Virginia now. Not much going on quite yet. Billy and I were supposed to smoke, but his friend's hookup never showed in time, so we're hoping to get it tonight. If we do, fun will be aplenty.

And as for everything else, well, there is nothing else. I just miss her, that's all. My life has become infinitely better in the last week or so, but that opens up some secret doors that I'm not quite sure how to go about looking into. But better I am, and all will be well again in good time. Have a nice thanksgiving everyone, and I love you Julia.

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, November 26, 2002, 09:45 a.m.

Well well well... Look who decided to come back down to earth... Don't be so shocked. You knew I'd come back. I would never give up the opportunity to torment your poor souls... But anyways, all is rather well now. No details necessary. I've unblocked all of you from my screenname, so if you wish to speak with me, be my guest. Ya know, this is a nice feeling... get your mind outta the gutter isaac!! just kidding. hehehe...

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, November 13, 2002, 9:58 p.m.

This is more than likely my last entry. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to write here again one day, but don't get your hopes up. I need to block out everything and anything that will remind me of what i no longer have. This journal and all of the ones i read remind me of it, so you're all losing a faithful reader. I more than likely won't talk to any of you from Richmond Hts. You stir up unwanted memories. Don't waste your time trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I'll only block you from my buddy list if I haven't already. I don't think I ever want to see any of you again. It's not you, it's me. I'm the one with the problem. Nothing will make it better. Not even the obvious would cure my presumed disorder. I'm sorry if I've hurt any of you in any way, but this is for the best. For my sanity, I have to move on... without you...

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, November 13, 2002, 8:01 p.m.

Okay, so here's the deal. Today has been decent in the least. Just your regular day(despite the fact that I got a "D+" on my astronomy exam. not cool!!). I had been trying to call (Natalie's)Todd all day to ask him where he bought his flowers from. I called twice and got the answering machine. Pissed me off. The plan was to have some flowers waiting for Maggie at her room when she gets back tomorrow morning. I couldn't get ahold of him, so I went to visit him at his room(thinking maybe he was either sleeping or having sex). I got there at about 5:20 and he wasn't there. So I made a rash decision and walked my ass to the Food Town Plus. I've seen their flowers before. But it was 5:30 by then and I had to be back at 6:30 to go to dinner with Jessica and Kristin. So I walked as fast as I could( in my knee high boots mind you) to the store. I got there at about 5:55. I had just enough time to buy the three roses I wanted to get for Maggie, but when I got the the flower section all they had was singles for $1.99 and a dozen for $9.99. The dozen was a great deal. Very pretty too, and it just kinda made more sense to go with those that spend almost seven dollars on three singles. It'll be worth it. I had to run about halfway back to campus to get to dinner on time, and on time I was! So the evening is going farily well. The flowers are in the fridge staying fresh and I'm just bummin' around debating if I should study for this algebra test I have tomorrow evening. I have about a 74% in the class as of now, but I know that I'm going to fail this one, study or not. Maybe I'll open the book for a little bit. And that's all for now. I'll make sure to let everyone know how things go with Maggie either tomrrow or sometime this weekend. Until then, I'm satisfied...

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, November 12, 2002, 12:15 p.m.

I'm feeling better today. The only way to not be hurt by the problems in my life are to just not think of them. But if my mind wanders to them, life is hell. So the less I think of it, the better off I am. What do I think of to keep my mind off of it? The one thing that can keep my mind off of it: Maggie. But if things dont' work out between me and her, then life as i know it will more than likely end very dramatically. How unfortunate. At least I have some time left for sure. WE'll see how she takes the flowers on thursday when she gets back. Should be interesting in the least...

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, November 10, 2002, 10:29 p.m.

I hate everything. Well, maybe not everything. It's just, life really sucks right now. I've finally realized that Julia and I will never be together again. Do you konw what that means??? Life pretty much isnt' worth living. I would say everything on my mind, but i can't. For some people's sake. some people are nosy. I hate this life!! I hate it all!!! Fuck what I said earlier! It only takes one bad thing to make everything else horrible. I... I can't even put to words what I feel right now. I feel agression, hate, seclusion and lonliness. Combinations of everything that I don't need. Everything I've had enough of in the past few months. Damnit all to hell!!!! I really want nothing more than to just drop dead right here at the keyboard. I promised julia, for her sake, not to be suicidal, but some things can't be helped. when things just get completely out of hand, then something is going to happen. I dont' know if it'll be to me, but it'll be to someone. I promise that.........

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, November 9, 2002, 2:40 a.m.

Wow, I'm still awake. How sad. Just so you konw, I've been in my room for about 85% of the 14.5 hours I've been awake right now. But yes, now I have a plan. A plan for Maggie. I'm going to buy her flowers. Holy shit, I just realized I've never bought flowers for anyone except the obvious. This should be interesting. but anyways, I'm gonna ask somone where I can get some flowers for when she gets back(either wednesday or thursday). Hopefully she'll start picking up on my motives here. I really do like her. I love being her friend, but I want more. She can be more. I feel like I'm 15 again. How exciting...!!

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, Noverber 10, 2002, 12:10 a.m.

I'M 92 PROOF. HOW DRUNK ARE YOU?

I love it!

fresh boy, wide world Saturday, November 9, 2002, 1:25 p.m.

I've been hanging out with Maggie recently. I"ve mentioned her here before(and no, this isnt' the other girl i had recently been speaking of). Maggie, her friend Amanda and myself hung out last night. We went to dinner around 5:30 and then we watched some movies in my room. We watched "Funny Cartoons" and "Spaceballs". We ordered a pizza too around 11:00. Unfortunately, Maggie's great uncle was dying and she kept getting phone calls. they didn't think he's live through the night. Maggie and Amanda left my room around 12:30. Kinda made me sad, but I walked her to her room. I told her if she needed anyting just to call or stop by.

So I went to my room and got online. right after I got on, Maggie got on and asked me to come to her room. I knew why right away. I knew her uncle died. So I got down there and she was talking to her mom on the phone. When she got off she broke into tears. I hugged her and she cried in my arms. I at least felt like I was helping a bit. At least she wasn't alone. We went and had a smoke or three and we took a short walk. I walked her back to her room again and said goodnight. I didn't go to sleep until about 5:00.

I set the alarm for noon. right before I went to shower up, Maggie IM'ed me saying she was leaving at about 12:30ish. So I raced in the shower and went down to her room looking like crap, but that's okay, cause I got to see her before she left. I helped bring her stuff down and then her aunt came to pick her up. I put her stuff in the trunk and she gave me a hug goodbye. YOu have no idea how good it feels to be hugged after so long. I opened the door for her(i seem to be trained at that now) and let her in. I waved as they began their long drive back to Cincinatti. As they were leaving, I found myself in tears. I couldn't believe it. It didnt' make sense. The closest I've come to a reason is a mix of the wind, hurting for her and hurting becuase i'm going to miss her. I finally get to know someone and they're gone for the next five days. Plus, she's probalby transfering to OSU next year, so even if she did like me, itwouldn't last. Why the hell does this always happen? Why can't there just be someone that likes ME? Huh? Is that so much to ask for...?

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, November 7, 2002, 01:32 p.m.

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, November 6, 2002, 11:32 p.m.

Your magical style is Dark.
What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox

fresh boy, wide world Monday, November 4, 2002, 10:34 a.m.

Well, first I will go over my weekend. Friday night was fun at my grandparent's 50th anniversary party. That was really fun. I didn't get drunk, but I had a nice buzz going. I was swing dancing with my cousin Tricia who resides at Kent. We're pretty good. Too bad she was drunk, or I wouldn't have kept sending her into orbit. Hehehe.

Saturday was pretty good too. I was supposed to go to Kent with Jackie and Tricia and drink, but Jackie never called me back to give me a ride. she was at ashland, so she problaby just got wasted there instead. Oh well. I went to see "The Ring" instead with Dom. Let me tell ya, that movie is pretty damn scary. Not the whole thing, but some parts just make ya wanna die. But it was fun though.

And sunday I got to see the Brown's lose... again... Goddamnit, will I ever see them win a game??? Oh well, shit happens.

And then their's the quest to find a female saga. Ongoing as always. I would give the details, but that would be rude. I'll spare her that for now. If you feel you must konw, you can always email me or talk to me online. Until next time, I'm pissed...

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, October 31, 2002, 8:54 p.m.

I feel empty. Matt went to his camp counseler meeting. He dressed up as me. he's wearing my leather pants, a black shirt of mine, my knee high boots, my chain, my necklace and my jacket. I feel so... not me. It's a good think I didn't give him my rings.

Things were looking good last night. I was talking online to the girl I like a lot. I would go into detail but i can't seeing as i gave her the address of my site here. So her name and everything about her is disclosed and always will be unless I ask her out and she says yes. If you all really want to know the story, just email me or call me. I really hope she says yes. I think I'll ask her out on monday. I pray(figuratively speaking) she says yes, for my sake. I can't stand being alone. It's just too hard on me. Ha! What a halloween this is turning out to be. I shouldn't be depressed, but i am. Damn it all to hell!!!!

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, October 31, 2002, 10:06 a.m.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Fucked up? I'd say so...

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, October 29, 2002, 11:41 a.m.

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.
Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!
One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.

How Do *You* Kiss?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, October 29, 2002, 2:30 p.m.

You aren't sure where you came from. Perhaps your sire did an embrace and run. Or maybe your sire was an outcast himself. Either way, your powers are unique and really don't belong to any clan...or maybe a little from each. Because you of these circumstances, you aren't really sure where you belong. You tend to wander and do a bit of soul searching in your eternal life. Maybe some day...you have a while after all

What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?

Test Created By

fresh boy, wide world Monday, October 28, 2002, 4:19 p.m.

Damn, this weekend was boring as all hell. I literally did absolutely nothing. How tragic. And now it's monday... again. I think I did alright on my psychology exam. Shit, I better have! I really want to get a "B" in that class so it helps my already dangerously low GPA. But if I get a "C" in there and keep all my other grades the same, I should come out with a 3.0. I'm shooting for better, but hell, a 3.0 ain't too terribly bad. Now, lets see here: my dad should be bringing the car up on tuesday and wednesday(yes, they're trusting me with it...again!). If so, I'm going to uptown/downtown which is a bar. Wednesday nights are goth nights, so I'll be going there for sure. My motive: find a girlfriend. Or at least someone to humor me for a couple weeks. I have more free time than i know what to do with. It's time I used it wisely. Some of you may say, "gee, aren't you still in "shock" about your breakup?". the short answer is yes, yes i am, but ya know, the reason for the girlfriend is to keep my mind off of it. I go through about two day bouts of emotional distress every week. I don't need to do taht anymore. I just have to keep my mind off of it for a whil and then I'll just kinda forget how I felt. Well, that's the plan for now at least. Have a better idea???

fresh boy, wide world Friday, October 25, 2002, 4:16 p.m.

Well, things have been getting better the later part of this week. I found out that I didnt' have to go to court for my accident. Just had to send them an $85 check. That's taken care of now. I also found out that my court date for the ticket has been pushed back to December 26. This makes me very happy. Now I won't miss classes. Excellent. And on top of all that, I got high last night. Enough said. I should be drinking tonight at a frat party, so again, enough said. Now if I could just get a girlfriend...

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, October 23, 2002, 10:58 a.m.

So here's the lowdown on the last part of my fall break: monday and tuesday. On monday, I went to pick up Janet after school. It was good to see her again, but as I was bringing her home, I got a speeding ticket. And teh worst part was that it was in a school zone. I didn't even realize it. It was some school on belvoir between mayfield and cedar. So that obviously pissed me off to no end.

And now we get to tuesday. I had a doctor appointment and a dentist appointment. Those went just fine. Then I called the municiple court to find out how much my ticket was. The receptionist said I would find out at court. But teh police officer said it was waverable, so that really got my blood boiling. My court date was for October 31, but i have classes and dont' want to miss them, so i wrote a letter for a continuance in december when I'm on break. It's gonna be a long shot, but i hope they let it happen. But the best part is still coming. So i left with the car to get Matt(my roommate) so we could leave for Toledo. But on my way there, about ten minutes from his house, I rearended the car in front of me. "This is not happening". Traffic was heavy, stop go stop go sorta deal. Luckily, he was driving a pick up truck, so only his bumper was sagging. But my van was pretty messed up. Well, not really. It just needs a new radiator. But I obviously got a citation for it, and my court date is October 30. What a bitch life is. Now I have to see if I can get that one changed too. If I can't, I'll be missing classes next week. And I was supposed to go to ashland this weekend, but that obviously isn't going to happen. I've just had a really bad week so far. I'm going to miss classes, lose all my money, and just be pissy for a while. Life sucks!!

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, October 20, 2002, 07:39 p.m.

This weekend has been interesting in the least so far. Well, not really. I went to teh football game at RH friday night. How miserable it was. The weather that is. Then Julia showed up, which was very unexpected. She just kinda, jumped out at me. I wasn't prepared for it. It was a long night emotionally afterwards. But in a way, I'm kinda glad she showed up, cuase it made Saturday night with her a lot easier. But before that, I went out with my second cousin Mike from my dad's side and my first cousin Jackie from my mom's side. They're my drunk call buddies. Lots of fun. We went to BW3's to watch the Ohio State game. Thank goodness they won, or there would have been some problems. It was gettin' kinda roudy after a while.

But then Julia and I went to coventry unti about 9:20. Then we went to see "Spider-Man" at the dollar theater. It's a good movie and I'm glad I finally got to see the whole thing. And that was pretty much the evening. Details aren't necessary cause they're none of your business.

As for the rest of my fall break(monday and tuesday of no classes), I'll be getting a hair cut and cutting teh grass tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna pick Janet up after school. Haven't seen her in a while. And at night, I'm gonna watch Boston Public. And then there is Tuesday. Doctor appt. Dentist appt. Enough said. And I'll be leaving for school around 5:00 to get my roommate Matt and head on out.

But wait, there's more. This coming weekend, I'm going down to Ashland with my cousin Jackie. I'll even get to see Julia(if I'm lucky ;)). So that should be fun. And now I'm done...

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, October 17, 2002, 09:20 a.m.

Which Element Represents You?
created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, October 15, 2002, 1:27 p.m.

I forgot to mention that today would have been Julia and mines 28 month anniversary. But instead of celebrating that, we get to celebrate our 12 day anniversary of not being together. That really sucks. What a wonderful day the fifteenth is going to be now. Hopefully I'll learn to remember the good of the past instead of the hell of the present. Well, not a hell, but an emptiness, at least for now. I just gotta find somone to fill the space. Sounds wierd, huh? Todd, dating, someone else. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It's a joke, right? Nope, no joke. This is for real. But yes, there is one girl in particular that I have my eye on. I'm not planning on asking anything until next week, if i get the guts to do it. Hehehehe.... I'll let you konw how it turns out.

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, October 15, 2002, 09:12 a.m.

Okay okay. Some of the things I've said in the past few entries weren't exactly.... neccessary. I'm sorry Julia, I just needed to vent. Yesterday afternoon helped a lot. I'm feeling much better. Still not getting any sleep, but I'm feeling better emotionally. I think my sanity is coming back. I was really losing it last, and earlier this week. But I'm falling back into place. All will be well. Julia and I are going out on Saturday evening. We're still going to be freinds, but this isn't a date, if that's what you're asking.

Anyways, I have a Japanese midterm tomorrow afternoon. Not looking forward to that. I may have a 103% in the class, but I'm still a bit nervous. I also have an english paper due thursday morning. WE watched the movie "Sankofa" and we have to write about symoblism in it. Lots of fun. Other than that, I'm looking forward to going home with weekend. Going to the RH football game friday. Hopefully I'll be going out with my cousin Mike and his friend saturday afternoon and Julia in the evening. Sunday I think I'll be chillin' at home and visiting the family. Moday I believe we are goign to try and go to Cedar Point. I haven't been there in a while, so i'm looking forward to that. And then there is Tuesday. I have a doctors appt. at I think 10:00 and a dentist appt. at 1:00. My cap on my front tooth broke off while eating bacon last week. I chipped my tooth about six years ago and they gave it a cap like thingy, but no it's off, and they must fix me. After that, I come back to school... with the van!! Boo yeah!

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, October 13, 2002, 11:03 p.m.

Now there's an interesting twist on it all. So Colin has to get on my ass about Julia. It's none of his business. Julia is really blowing this whole thing up, as she always does. I don't even know what's bothering her. And I probably never will, seeing as she won't take my calls. she's already blocked me on AIM. How am I supposed to talk to her, huh? Damn people. And Colin, if you're reading this, fuck you. Stay out of my business, or I'll get you good. Gouge your ugly ass eyes out. Hehehehe....

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, October 13, 2002, 02:08 a.m.

Bored. So so bored. Hmmmmm, what to do? Nothing to do. Must find friend. Friend good. No sleep. Bad for you. Must stay awake. Good awake. I think I'm losing my mind. I don't like being single. I think I'm going to ask Maggie out tomorrow. I think she'll say no. That would make me rather unhappy, but that's okay. I guess I'm just not used to being single. It's been far too long. August 15 was the last time I got any. Almost two months. Sucks to be me. I just want a girlfriend. One that I can see when I want to. But I'm seeing Julia next weekend. We're gonna go to Denny's. That'll be nice. Maybe we could go see "White Oleander". That would be cool. Iwant to see that. Not like I'll get any from her. I'm not expecting to. It's not like that anymore, is it darling? Of course not. But it would be nice. ;) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I am the crypt! But I might be getting the van up here. I'll need to drive home a couple times. If I do have the van, I'm gonna be the shit. Hell yes! I'll probably drive to ashland for a weekend. Wait. Why do that? I dont' have a girlfriend anymore. I don't know. We'll see. You might get a suprise visit sometime soon julia. Are you ready to see the fury? don't be afraid. I just want to be your friend. That's all. Just friends. How unfortunate. I still keep looking at all of our pictures. Such memories. A shame to lose something so wonderful. Don't worry though, we can get back together after college, unless you move to columbus. That would really break my heart. But hey, been there done that. No problem really. I can deal. I'm doing fine now. Hell, I'm doing great! Now you're all thinking that I'm drunk now. But I'm far from it. Sorry, this is rational thought, if insanity is considered that. I dont' know. No one does. I am the crypt!!!

fresh boy, wide world Friday, October 11, 2002, 7:40 p.m.

Ah yes, back again. So nice it is. Recovering I am. Looking for love. To bad I don't know how. I've had one girlfriend for over two years. Only one girlfriend. Sure, I have a lot of experience, but I don't know how to pick up women. Very upsetting. But in time, things will be different. You'll see. You'll all see!! I really wanted to find someone like me. The way I dress. The way I think. No one wears as much black as I do. I'm alone. So very alone. how sad. I'll never find my goth. How sad. I'll live. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! But tonight, I drink hard liquor thanks to cousin Mike. Me, Matt, Rachel and Natalie will drink up the high life in our room. But Matt might be leaving early. OH well. Until later.

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, October 8, 2002, 12:21 p.m.

I'm doing better today. I'm not perfect, but that will come in time I'm sure. I still miss her terribly, but I know I have to get over it. I hope we get back together after college. Damn, that would be awsome, but that's just wishful thinking I guess. So until then, I'll need to find someone that tickles my fancy. There are a few candidates. I'm not going after any of them as of now. I'm still coping. But at least I have lots of options. I still find it hard to believe I'm single again. Haven't been single since I was only fifteen. Now I'm much more mature, but very unexperienced. My love life could prove to be very difficult for a while. I don't know. I guess I'm still a shy little kid at heart. What can ya do? I guess I'd feel weird if I got together with someone else. Seeing as I've never done that before. I don't even feel any different. I still feel like me and Julia are together, even though I know we're not. This is not a great feeling, and I hope I have minimal experience with it. Okay, now this has gotten outta hand. I'm gone...

fresh boy, wide world Monday, October 7, 2002, 10:53a.m.

It's been a while. I've had a lot on my mind. Why shouldn't I? I think if I told you I was doing better than I was this past thursday, you'd see through my lie. I've been a drag these past four days. I went to RH's homecoming. Vaso asked me friday night, so I thought I'd go. It was alright. But when we were driving to go cosmic bowling, I found myself in tears... with three other people in the car. It's a good thing they didn't notice. I haven't told anyone about me and Julia on my own. If someone brings it up, I'll tell them, but that's pretty much the end of it. And once a few people know, then everyone will know. So by the end of the week, all of RH will know I'm sure. And then when I got home at 4:00am, I looked at the sky. It was the clearest sky I had ever seen. Not a cloud in it, no haze or mist. Just black with stars. I stared for about ten minutes, until I couldn't take it anymore. I thought, "how Julia would have loved to see this". And my heart sank. I was getting hysterical. I thought I had made a mistake. I desperately called her(and yes, at 4:00am), hoping she would wake up. But she didn't. I left a message and called again. No answer. Another message left and I layed in bed just thinking of Julia and the stars. Ironic, Julia gave me glow in the dark stars for my ceiling a while ago, so I had to look at those also. And then sunday came(and far too early). Interigated by my family for my eyebrow ring. NOt too bad. But then they of couse ask, "so how is Julia?". And all I can do is give them this blank stare, sometimes with a sarcastic smile, and tell them the truth. None of them were suprised really, but the initial shock was there for sure. And then when Missy(my cousin Phil's wife, they got married in June) asked, I wanted to cry. I wanted what she had had for so long. To be with one person that long and get married so young. I wanted nothing more than to be like them, to date the same person throughout all of high school and college. I figured it ran in the family. How wrong I was. How naive I was. But now it's over. I took my ring off last night, and it was a struggle. Hours of thought put into it. But it wouldn't be right to wear it, especially if I found someone else. Yeah, I don't think that'll happen. But i almost began to cry upon its removal. I stared at it in my hand for hours. And tonight was the first night I purposely slept without it. And then this morning, when I put gel in my hair, I rinse the gel off my hands, and I would always twist my ring around my finger to get the gel from underneath it. But this morning I had forgetton I didn't have it on. I shrugged it off, but two seconds later, I did it again. It's habit. And my big skull ring didn't clang against it as it always has. I didnt' get to play with it in class, as I always did. And now, watching myself type, I look at my hands, and see how ugly they are now. The ring was so beautiful. It was a part of me. But no more. I don't know what I am. Am I happy? No. Am I sad? Yes. Will I be okay? I'll live.

And just for the record, this isn't meant to be a guilt trip. It's just what I've been feeling.

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, October 3, 2002, 09:32 p.m.

Today is the day I thought would never come. Today has changed my life. It was so great. I couldnt' have asked for better. I thought it would last forever. But two years, three months and eighteen days after that first day of my new life, it all ended. That's how long I had been dating Julia, until today. We broke up only a few hours ago. It wasn't a bad breakup. Far from it. We just live too far away. I've seen her only once in over a month, and I don't think she was planning on coming home for another two weeks. WE just kinda grew apart. We're much different now than we were a month ago. I know I've changed. Had we have seen each other a couple times a week for the past month, we probably wouldn't have noticed, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I never imagined this day. I was so innocent and naive when the our relationship began. I was looking for one person to spend the rest of my life with, and I thought I had found that person, until I realized how far away we were. It was the most difficult decision of my life. I just hope it's for the best.

So I can ask myself only one question. Now what do I do? I've never done this before. I never thought I'd have to. I dont' know what I want. I know I don't want to be alone, but looking for someone to be with now is only too strange. Right now I'm just very confused as to how I feel and what I should do. Well, I suppose I won't do anything now. I'll just wait. Wait to get better... Until then...

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, October 2, 2002, 12:38 p.m.

It's hard to say what will happen. I've known this for so long. It's difficult to imagine it changing. I don't really know what I want. All I know, is that I sense trouble brewing... indeed...

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, October 1, 2002, 01:51 p.m.

Aaaaaahhhhhh... A new month. 'Bout damn time. September is the wierd month. Now it is october, the month of evil, hate and destruction, everything that i stand for. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now the fun really begins. I'm going to get some candles and incense and cast some spells on people i dislike. Hehehe... and I'll do it for other people too... for a price. I feel deliciously terrible today. I love it. It's time to start a rucus...

This weekend was fun. On friday me, matt(roommate) and some other people went to this guys autobody shop and made a flamethrower using a brake fluid called zep. It's four times more flammable than gasoline. Let me tell ya, big big flames are good. Concrete on fire is good too. Then saturday was the crazy day. At 11:00pm I watch half of memento with some people. Tammy, Rob(OSU), Natalie, Todd(yes, there is another one), Natalie's friend from high school, Maggie and some other guy i don't know were crammed in one room watching it. AT around 12:30 we went and had a smoke and played pool and ping pong for a couple hours. Then everyone went to bed accept me, and I was nowhere near tired, so I went up to Rachel's room to see if she was awake. She and her roommate Karen were just putting in "Crazy/Beautiful". I watched that and had some more smokes. At this point it was about 6:00am. Still not tired, i smoked a lot more, and went up to my room, and to my suprise was my roommate( practically passed out on the floor) and Dusty and Chris from friday's fire fight. They had obviously been drinking and were watching spiderman. I watched also and helped my self to a beer and my roommates leftover coconut rum. Good stuff indeed. So I got to the point were I was having the buzz of my life and I stopped so i didnt' puke. I had some more smokes, and by now, it was about 9:00am. I played some music on the computer and watched about half of DBZ:Tree of Might. But since I could barely stay awake, I turned it off and passed out on teh floor. I slept form 10:00 until 2:00, and damn, that was miserable. I had fun though. I'm coming home this weekend. That should be nice. I'll go the RH's homecoming game and see mycousin Mike afterwards. But seeing all of my family sunday will be... difficult to say the least. this will be the first time they'll see me with my eyebrow ring. They're not going to be too thrilled about that, espcially my grandpa(mom) and my nana(dad). Hehehe, this should be fun. Indeed....

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, September 26, 2002, 09:50 p.m.

Geez, it feels like i just wrote my last entry. I didnt' even realize it had been three days. But anyways, my eyebrow is doing fine. Looking sharp. But then again, my parents arent' too happy about it. I told them last night and my dad hung up the phone. At least my mom is little bit more patient. I can't wait until my grandparents see it(and yes, that was very sarcastic). It should be, interesting in the least. But hey, if they can't accept it, then they're not my family. It's not like I killed anyone, but I do get that urge sometimes... hehehe...

fresh boy, wide world Monday, September 23, 2002, 09:59 p.m.

yeah, so I got my eyebrow pierced today. It didnt' hurt at all. It's just a bit tender now. All is well. I'd put a picture up if I knew how to, but I don't. Maybe I'll get one up this week. If not, you'll just have to see me in person. Sucks to be you!!!

Crypt out...

fresh boy, wide world Monday, September 23, 2002, 09:48 a.m.

I just took a psychology exam. Yay. I think I did alright. But the good news is is that the cute girl I see walking to class everyday with the hourglass figure lives in my building. Even better, she lives on my floor! But wait, there's more: we were on the same elevator coming back from class. I even said "how unfortunate for you" cuase she lives on the 16th floor like me. Two points for Todd!!! ...naw, I'm just kidding. All that happened, but I've already got someone in mind to go googoo for me. Here's a kiss to my love... Julia.

In other news, I was blissfully wasted on saturday. Oh yes, we're talking six beers in an hour. Only about eight overall, but I drank them so fast, that's all i needed. Puked outside too... twice. Yeah, it's getting funner. I can't waint until this weekend so I can do it again!

ONe more thing: I might be getting my eyebrow pierced today. I just gotta ask where the place is and take me a walk. Natalie's boyfriend(funny, his name is Todd), got his lower lip pierced a couple days ago and he walked there, so if he can do it, damnit, so can I! And the day is mine!!!

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, September 19, 2002, 09:30 a.m.

The light is dim

Fading away

There's no hope left

In this fucking day.

Looked to all

Shunned by all

No one gave a damn

In their stone cold eyes.

There's one here

All is gone

I'm so cold

Alone in the dark I am.

Reach out for help

Blind to their eyes

Gasping for air

Lying dead at their feet.

That's just a little something I wrote the other day. Ask me not, or perish you shall...

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, September 17, 2002, 09:36 a.m.

It sure is boring early in the morning. It's almost too quiet for a freshman dorm. Oh well. I have my orientation class at 11:00. I get to see Paula and Megan(growl), two seniors that help run the show. They're both very nice. I've emailed them, but they don't seem to email back to terribly often. Oh well, those are seniors. Until later...

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, September 15, 2002, 06:08 p.m.

I had a great weekend. Actually, just yesterday was great. I got smashed. Bloody fun. Walking home was fun. I only had about eight beers, but it was well worth it. I puked when I got back to the room, but it wasn't so bad. Like I said, it was worth it. Until later.

Happy 27 Month Anniversary Julia!! ::kisses::

fresh boy, wide world Friday, September 13, 2002, 04:49 p.m.

Okay, now I'm pissed. I was supposed to get my eyebrow pierced yesterday. Melony was supposed to come to my room at 7:00 last night to get me. But she never came. AT about 7:30, I went to her room to see if seh was there. She wasn't. So I came back upstairs to see if she was there but she wasn't. Then it's today. I see her outside and she has her eyebrow pierced. I asked what happened, and she said she came up to get me but no one answered. That's impossible because I was there at 7:00 when she claims she came to get me. She must not have knocked hard enough or she's lying. I'm not really mad at her, I'm just mad in general. I should have a terrible sharp pain in my left eyebrow with a ring to match it. Fuck fuck fuck!!! WEll, at least I know where to get it done. Bowling Green. It's only about 20 minutes away and only costs $18. THe problem: I have no way to get there. So I'm kinda screwed now. I"m really pissed and if I got one more night without alcohol, I'm gonna throw me a fucking bloody fit!!

fresh boy, wide world Monday, September 9, 2002, 10:17 a.m.

Which Animaniacs Character are You?

You have megalomaniacal impulses regularly. That's not necessarily a bad thing, however, as you have the cranial capacity of a small planet. Trying to take over the world is hard work, though, and you're not above exploiting your lessers. Even now, you have a plan that's being enacted which will pitch the world's economy into turmoil, leaving the floodgates of trade exposed for the sole owner of stock in the Pets.com � company! You are en route to taking over the world!
Oh, and you ARE pondering what I'm pondering.
Click here to see my Livejournal.

That's right!

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, September 5, 2002, 09:48 a.m.

OKay, things are going alright so far. I got an "A" on my first japanese quiz. Very disappointing. I was expecting to get a perfect score, but alas, I will have to settle for a 95%. Oh well, until next week. I've been doing well in english, I think. Astronomy is... well, a lecture class basically. Psychology is good. I have a different teacher on thursdays and she's a very fine lady. Grrrrrrrrrrowl! And then there's algebra. Let's not go there. But other than that, all is well. I can't wait to come home tomorrow. Gonna get me some home cooked meals and some nookie(i hope). ;)

Okay, I'm out...

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, September 1, 2002, 09:29 p.m.

WEll, this weekend has pretty much sucked. The population of the University of Toledo on labor day weekend is about 12. My roommate left, so I was alone... with no one i knew. I seriously cannont go up to people and start talking to them. I just can't. It's not in me. NO even the prettiest of women(and let me tell you, there are a helluva lot) could persuade me to go up and talk to them. Even when they were alone. But at least I kinda made freinds with some of the R.A.'s(resident advisors) here. I don't remember the one girls name, but she's cute and nice too. She and another RA were going to each door and asking people questions. I think it was required of them. But they liked my rings and my nails. They said I had nice nails. But other than them, that's about it. I think i'm goign to come home next weekend, so give me a ring if you like. Until then...

fresh boy, wide world Tuesday, August 27, 2002, 01:04 p.m.

Let me tell you about my woes. Yesterday, I go to my orchestra class. They tell me I'm supposed to be in band. I tell them I called the music dept. in july and they said it didnt' matter which one i was in. They restated I was supposed to be in band. Fuck!!

So today, I go to the music dept. and try to switch it around. I cannot do this because they have an overabundance of saxes. Shit!! Then they say that to get my scholarship, I have to be declared as a music major, which I am not. I don't want to be a music major. They said that is the only way, or else I have to forfeit my $2,000 scholarship! I"ve talked to so many people today and they've just pisssed me off even more. I"m not redoing my shedule and picking new classes. I don't want to take all that music theory stuff. So as far as I"m concerned, they can suck it! My mom is calling them to give them hell, and if she doesn't get anything out of it, then my music career is over. Sorry to all those that hoped I would go all the way, but that's just not going to happen.

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING MUSIC DEPT. ASS FUCKERS!!!!!!!!

fresh boy, wide world Monday, August 26, 2002, 09:59 a.m.

Today is the first day of classes. Yippie. Psychology was your run-of-the-mill first day class. That's all I've been to so far. I have astronomy at 2:00, japanese at 3:00 and orchestra at 7:00. I"m so excited...

oh, and by the way... happy birthday to me...

fresh boy, wide world Friday, August 23, 2002, 01:27 p.m.

Here's a quickie. I"m here at UT now. Hope everyone is having fun. I'll be back in mid-september, so i'll keep you updated. Love ya all!

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, August 21, 2002, 03:15 p.m.

Yesterday was fun. Julia and I went to Hot Topic and I got my boots. I'm very happy about this. They kick ass! I also the Dragonball Z: movie 6: The Return of Cooler! It's pretty good. Finally, a movie with Vegeta in it. I got all this money from my birthday on monday(although my real birthday is on teh 26).

And today I have packed all of my belongings. They are ready for that great voyage to Toledo. How fun it will be. WEll, that's all for now. Talk to ya later... in Toledo!!!

fresh boy, wide world Sunday, August 18, 2002, 12:44 p.m.

Last night I went to my cousin Joey's Feast of the Assumption party. It rocked ass!! I got there at about 11:15. I was really far behind everyone drinking wise. In the first 30 minutes, I downed a coors light and a jack and coke(good thing I had the coors first). Throughout the night I had strawberry daquaries, tropical jack daniels, straight jack, and nasty fruit punch with vodka and tequilla. I puked around 12:45. It was terrible. And the funny thing was is that I was on the crapper when I puked. Somehow, I remember trying to call Julia when I was still sittin', but I don't think she picked up. It was crazy. And yes, I did puke, but I made it into teh garbage can in front of me. Two points!! Unable to take it any longer, I hit the sack on a matress on the second floor. I woke up at about 3:00 feeling great. I went downstairs only to see that there was only a couple people still awake. Me, my cousin greg, and some guy named Jeff I think took a walk. After Jeff switched the $6 parking tickets on teh cars, Greg went home and hit teh sack. But me and jeff weren't finished yet. There was some heavy construction going on at one of the intersections, so we took it upon ourselves to block off the only parts of teh street you were still able to drive on. In the end, no one is getting through that intersection.

We were hungry, so we decided to walk to McDonalds... after picking up some strangers. The four of us walked to Euclid, and guess what, it was only 5:30. Thirty minutes until it opened. so we decided to go to presti's doughnuts on mayfield. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.... glazed doughnuts... AT about 6:05, we finished and Jeff and the two strangers left to go home. I was alone... and craving mcdonalds. I walked back to mcdonalds, and guess what. It wasn't opened yet. They didnt' open unti 6:45. I was very hungry, so I took a walk and would come back later. One minute into the walk, a cop comes by. I'm thinking, " oh shit!". He gets out of teh car and asks if I lived in teh area. I said I was staying the night at my cousins house and I went out to get breakfast. So he believed me and left. WEll, mcdonalds finally opened and I got me my bacon, egg and cheese bagle. I walked back to the house. I got there at about 7:20. It was nice. And that was pretty much my party. It was helluva fun. I can't wait until the new years party... ;)

fresh boy, wide world Friday, August 16, 2002, 03:34 p.m.

Okay okay. So it's been a while. What can I say. Nothing, of course. I've started to clean my room. Finding things I'm going to be bringing with me to Toledo. My little address book, pictures, a mirror, and all sorts of little things. I talked to Anand today, and he is leaving tomorrow. Isaac already left and Heather is leaving soon. It's like we're all dropping like flies. I'm next to go I think. I"m ready to drop.

I've already started to do that shirt I want in that last entry. I just took a black tee of mine and cut off the sleeves and put a slit down the collar. It's coming along pretty nice. I'll be getting safty pins and putting them on with Julia on tuesday.

A couple days ago, I went to hot topic with Julia. I fell in love with this pair of boots and will hopefully be getting them in time for college.

WEll, that's all for now. I leave in six days. My god...(or lack there of)...

fresh boy, wide world Monday, August 12, 2002, 11:52 a.m.

Here is an outfit I'm gonna try to get together before I go off to college. I love the safty pin stuff. What do you think?

fresh boy, wide world Monday, August 12, 2002, 11:31 a.m.

Which Piercing are you?

And that's the firsts thing i'm getting done when I go to college...

fresh boy, wide world Saturday, August 10, 2002, 11:16 p.m.

Today was a rather nice day. My second cousin Amy got married. It was very small and informal, but kind of a nice change of pace. Congrats to her and Randy.

I went shopping today with the mama at Kohls(is that how you spell it?). They were having a nice sale. I got me some black shorts, army like jean pants and two black tees. Very nice for me.

And tonight, I went to see teh movie "Signs". It was pretty good. Not nearly as scary as everyone made it out to be. YOu're all a big bunch of babies!!! It was good though. Until next time...

fresh boy, wide world Friday, August 9, 2002, 12:43 a.m.

Guys, lemmie tell ya about my second cousin Mike and his friend Katie. They know how to have a great time. We went to some bar before the Indians game. I myself chugged a beer(beating Katie in a contest), a shot of vodka in my coke(not a good idea) and a shot of 151. Now let me tell ya, 151 is over 75% alcohol. That stuff is wicked!! then we went to teh game. I had another beer. Smoked some more with Mike, and had a hotdog and popcorn. Did I mention we got $40 seats from Katie's sister for free?! Good deal, eh? After that, we went to teh Winking Lizard. I sipped on my cousin's beer and had another 151. Damn, that stuff is wicked!! After that, we went to Muldoon's for some grub. I had me the saltiest garlic chicken wings on the face of the planet. But it was cheap. I got home at about 12:35. That was some helluva fun!! That's all for now. Talk to ya later!!!

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, August 8, 2002, 02:59 p.m.

Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley

These get funner every time I do one... er, the quizzes, that is!! Hehehe...

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, August 8, 2002, 02:51 p.m.

Which Bitch From DBZ are you!? Quiz by

Damn straight!!!

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, August 8, 2002, 02:39 p.m.

Find out which member of Kittie you are!

Well, there you have it...

fresh boy, wide world Thursday, August 8, 2002, 11:31 a.m.

Top of the mornin' to ya. Well, it's more like the afternoon now, but no one besides me is awake anyways. Well, it's now two weeks exactly until I leave the nest for good. I'm rather excited. I bought a nice 14" flatscreen television the other day. But besides that, I don't have much in the line of things I'll be needing. I still have to see if my roomate has a phone.

But on to other things. I'll be going to the indians game tonight with my second cousin Mike. He's 22, so he'll be drinking I"m sure. He said he could probably get me a beer if I wanted, but I don't know. I think it might be a little too open there. Don't need to be going to court right before school starts, that's for damned sure. Well, that's all for now. Peace out!!

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, August 7, 2002, 12:46 a.m.

I'm sure one can only imagine the boredom going on when I have to write two entries in only thirty minutes. I really wish I knew what teh hell I was doing with this thing. I have no idea what all this html stuff is. Julia is going to be helping me until I get on my feet. For the page, I'm thinking along the lines of a dark, evil hellish look. But I can't figure out what color curtains to get... Damn it all to hell!!! Well, whatever...

fresh boy, wide world Wednesday, August 7, 2002, 12:18 a.m.

::thunder crashes, rain storms, tornadoes twist and waves grow. a dark being emerges from the hellish skies. a being of great mystery:: That's right. This is my hell. My mind. Enjoy your visit.